Don't let it happen to you
Greetings to the newest Beef Council(tm) members: Yoda and Mace Windu (pictures not shown)
The following lucky people have
been selected to be on Beef Council. Their job is to determine the beefiness of
the following stories. Without their consent, I will post their fake verdicts
after each story.
If you would like to be added to the beef council, please email an
embarassing photo to me.
THE VERDICT:
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Beef Story #77:
Author: Tim Park
first id like to welcome yoda to the beef council, i am eager to see what
kind of great wisdom he will show in the verdicts.
on to the beef: the story of the sexist snow crab leg steamer! except he wasnt
sexist
so my mom told me like 5 times that if i get snow crab legs at todai and i want
to get them steamed i just take them up to the lobster man and he'll heat em up
for me so i did and i asked him if he could heat them up for me but he quickly
shook his head no and put up 2 fingers to ward me off and i was severely
disheartened and then my sister went up there and he gladly did and so figured
it was a sexist thing and then her bf went up and he gladly did his so it wasnt
a sexist thing and then i was so beefed i grabbed another plate of them and went
up there and he stood and looked at me with disdain and after he figured out i
wasnt gonna leave he hesitantly took the snow crab legs, beefy
THE VERDICT: THAT'S SO RACIST, I MEAN SEXIST
Beef Story #76:
Author: ReuBulawinUy
As I was driving home late one night I got onto 6-10 W and as I entered the freeway a boot comes flying out of nowhere and hits my driver-side window. Then I see a car speed by with a bunch of hoodlums in the car. Yeah, I would've chased them down and killed them if I weren't such a gentle person.
THE VERDICT: YOUSA GETA BOOT!!! AHH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Beef Story #75:
Author: Emily Gould
I have beef with Reuben because I stole his idea of beef and am
trying to make millions of dollars off of it without giving him credit.
And he's asian. Man, i hate those asians.
Emily (revengemag@hotmail.com)
PS--I drink my own pee and eat my own poo
THE VERDICT: GIRL, YOU SO CRAZY
Beef Story #75:
Author: Reuben
We were going to watch Star Wars: Episode 2 -- Attack of the Clones at the earliest possible showing so we ordered tickets from AMC online for Thursday 12:45am. When we went to pick up the tickets they informed us that to them, Thursday 12:45am means Friday 12:45am. I patiently explained to them that the day changes after midnight but they didn't seem to understand so we had to watch episode II the next day. Shoot man, shoot.
THE VERDICT: MEESA SOWWIE!!!
Beef Story #75:
Author: Lenny
I am having a major beef with Colorado. How can a team we beat
by thirty points win the crucial game and beat up a no. 1 team right
before, too? Doesn't it know it's supposed to stay down? Having a
cool mascot does not allow you to win the SEC championship and disallow UT from having a chance at the title.
that's some beef.
even more beef... how can you let a person have super smash brothers
melee but not a gamecube to play it on? It's like giving a soldier
ammo and no gun.... A hungry guy a fork and no food...
There's going to some big bovine problems if they don't give me my
gamecube the same time i get the game on monday. i'm bringing a bat
to stress my point.
THE VERDICT: KAZAAM SUCKS!!!
Beef Story #75:
Author: Eric (mmmm...beef from Japan!)
Beef: Hey what's up everybody! First off, I'd like to tell about Japanese beef.
You see, there's this thing called "kyougyuubyou." Literally
translated it means "Mad Cow Disease." Yes, they have to inspect
every cow in the land for evidence of the dreaded bovine spongiform
encephalitis, or whatever it is. Anyway, eating beef here is a little risky,
but that doesn't stop me. Buuuut, itsn't it funny how everyone in Japan has
beef with beef? Hahahahahahahaha!!!
THE VERDICT: PRETTY
BEEFY--WEESA THE SAME PERSON!!
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Beef Story #74:
Author: Eric
Beef: So I have beef with Japan. Er, Rice. Er, the JTW program. I dunno,
someone. You see, when I was at Rice, I talked to Eva Lin about her wonderful
JTW experience. She said "Oh, the classes really aren't up to Rice
standards, I had a lot of free time to use for church stuff and part-time work
and all kinds of things. It was great!"
With that thought in mind, I happily applied and sent myself off to Fukuoka.
However, as I discovered after I was here, JTW is crazy hard!
In my Japanese class the teachers give us these worksheets and do them at such
a speed that you don't have time to ask questions or write down new information
or anything before they call on you and embarrass you in a public fashion. Then
they give you quizzes which I and my friends manage to fail every time. Then
they give you homework everyday over stuff that you learn the NEXT day in
class. So that makes the homework a little tough to do, and of course the
grades on the homework are quite ugly also. Actually, they aren't anymore.
Because they stopped putting grades on our homework. BUT IT STILL COUNTS. So
now I actually don't know the extent to which I'm failing my Japanese class.
AAAAAAH. But it's OK right? Grades aren't important. All that matters is how
you play the game. <exit stage left, soft sobbing sounds are audible in
background, close curtain>...
THE VERDICT: JUST INTERPOLATE
AND YOU’LL BE FINE.
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Beef Story #73:
Author: LENNY (not Chow)
This is weird because I have beef with myself. Yeah, I have this condition
where I can't make any new memories so I keep writing notes to myself and
tatooing stuff on my body. I'm looking for my wife's killer but my two main
clues are the facts on my arm. FACT 1: CAAM
sucks. FACT 2: STAT sucks. What does this mean? And I have a picture of someone
named Jigglypuff who I'm supposed to kill.
Now where was I? Oh yeah, do you remember Sammy Jenkins?
THIS HOMEWORK IS SO EASY AND TRIVIAL, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DO IT!
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Beef Story #72:
Author: Reuben
I ordered some maracas so I could play Samba De Amigo on my Dreamcast, but too bad they don't work. And when I emailed the company (or person) who originally sold them they told me to make a long distance call to their "technical support" hotline, which just turns out to be some guy's house. And they're never home when I call. Oh yeah, the instructions don't make any sense either.
THE VERDICT: ONE TIME I SHOT THIS GUY WITH A NAIL GUN... THEN I CLEVERLY
REMARKED, "I NAILED YOU!!".. HA HA HA HA, I AM A GENIUS.
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Beef Story #71:
Author: leepee
mr. olajuwon joined the bbs, but he sounds like a fob. i think there is an
imposter hanging around the SSoLBBS...mmmmmm....fobbigurl?!?! =P
but yeah - even if hakeem is on a different team (and he looks crazy weird with
another NBA uniform on that does not say Houston Rockets), I still love him and
I do not like the fact that someone, or someFOB is impersonating him. hmph.
THE VERDICT: I HEARD THAT REUBEN TRIED TO STEAL OLAJUWON'S NEWSPAPER A LONG
TIME AGO.
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Beef Story #70:
Author: Reubs
So AMD tricked a bunch of us into getting up at 4 in the morning so we could drive out to Willowbrook mall (which is out in the middle of nowhere) because they were supposedly giving out 200 new AMD Athlon XP processors. Unfortunately, they defied the flimsy laws of statistics and probability and not one of us received a processor that day. And the AMD people were loud and annoying.
THE VERDICT: WITHOUT ME, THE NBA IS NOTHING, YOU HEAR ME?? NOTHING!!
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Beef Story #69:
Author: Reubs
I was on the way to Super Target after a long, hard day of playing Super Smash Bros., er I mean studying, when I noticed that my speedometer wasn't working anymore. Man, this is beefy. And we also lost a full-court game of basketball to a bunch of Econ profs. It's a sad day for skinny asian ballers everywhere.
THE VERDICT: WITHOUT ME, THE ROCKETS ARE NOTHING, YOU HEAR ME?? NOTHING!!
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Beef Story #68:
Author: Cosmo
I've got beef with a certain Korean who we shall call SEAN KIM. He keeps calling me "Bosno" when he knows full and well that my name is really COSMO.
THE VERDICT: ARRF!!!
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Beef Story #67:
Author: Steve So
I want to major in basket weaving. Rice doesn't offer it. Whats up with that? I'm gonna go to UT to take bskt 525 - advanced basket weaving architecture. Oh yeah... Stat sucks too.
THE VERDICT: YOU COME IN PEACE, YOU GO IN PIECES...
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Beef Story #66:
Author: Reuben
Oh yeah, how could I forget??? Before I left for Japan, I took my car to the shop to get everything fixed so I thought everything would be all good when I got back...EXCEPT, I made the mistake of allowing my brother to borrow the car while I was gone. When I got back, the car was dirty (i haven't bothered cleaning it though), my hubcaps were gone because the tires had to be replaced, the bumper paint was peeling, there were some shady dents in random places on my car, and the passenger-side door doesn't open without a fight now. WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED???
THE VERDICT: WHY DOES ALL THE BAD STUFF HAPPEN TO REUBEN???!!!!
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Beef Story #65:
Author: Reuben
Oh yeah, I've got beef. This is only the beginning...
I've got beef 'cuz they took my gameboy advance for 4 weeks. And then i've got
beef with Nintendo for not putting a backlight into the gameboy advance. Then I
have beef with all the companies who make accessories for Gameboy Advance
because they all really suck. My battery pack only lasts one hour and you can't
tell when it's fully charged and all the gameboy lights i've ever tried still
don't make the gameboy screen bright enough. Now my eyes hurt. Of course, I
wouldn't need to buy extra lights if the gameboy advance came with a backlit
screen...oh wait, i already said that.
THE VERDICT:
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Beef Story #67:
Author: Reuben
At the Q, I was working out and one of the trainers came up to me and says: "hey, bro, you gottaa burraka fruafjajzzz jejir keefajiss! just chill cuzz ueme arburretoo, eh???" And since I was completely confused I just said, "Ok" and tried to finish my set. Then he comes back five minutes later and says: "hey guuobaaboo!! terok bubba vott smaz!" And he points at my sandals and kicks me out of the workout area.
THE VERDICT: IT'S TOO DANGEROUS (NOT TO MENTION SHADY) TO WORK OUT IN YOUR
SANDALS
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Beef Story #66:
Author: Reuben
I went to Walmart which is supposedly open 24 hours, right? But when I got there the entrance was blocked off by rows and rows of shopping carts. After going in through the exit, I proceeded to the electronics section, which was also blocked off by piles and piles of boxes and displays. After jumping over the pile of crap a big employee came and kicked me out. I'll get you Walmart....if it's the last thing i do....
THE VERDICT: WHY ARE THERE LOCKS ON THE DOORS IF IT'S OPEN 24-7??!!
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Beef Story #65:
Author: Crazy Bullard Fan
I've got beef with the Rockets 'cuz they traded the Bull, the legacy, the glue that holds this stupid city together. Way to go Rudy T...
THE VERDICT: I CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT TRADED. NOW I'VE GOT BEEF WITH HOUSTON.
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Beef Story #64:
Author: Starts with L, ends with PEE
Those movies were beefy. The ones that we watched on the plane [back from Japan]. I defiantly threw down my headphones after 10 minutes of SpyKids and defiantly went to sleep. I was being defiant in the face of a beefy movie.
THE VERDICT: ARGH!! SPYKIDS!! =(
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Beef Story #63:
Author: Leepee
Krause was beefy because on the plane ride from Tokyo to LA, we were sitting in a row of 4 seats (in the middle section of the plane), but I was in the seat next to the right aisle, and he was next to me. The two left seats were empty. Eric, from another Yamagata team, therefore decided to sit in the left aisle seat, but Krause decided that he got to hog up all the space the two middle seats provided. But that wasn't the real beefy part. The beefiest part was that Krause was technically both on the "right" and "left" sides, so whenever the stewardesses passed by with drinks, he could and would grab a drink from both sides! I was so mad that I drank all of his coke before he could say "What Roobs!" And then I drank his container of Cheju Water quite defiantly, and I was trying to take it down with one gulp, but it didn't quite work, but I still had my revenge. Krause never had montezuma's revenge.
THE VERDICT: MONTEZUMA, YOU DEVIL
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Beef Story #62:
Author: Starts with L, ends with BUSDRIVER
girls are beefy. no joke.
THE VERDICT: THE END
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Beef Story #61:
Author: Lenny (in London)
chinese food is butt expensive in london. Due to hoof and mouth, i can't
have beef. but i do have beef because of this. I have beef cuz i can't have
beef. Beefy, no?
oh yeah, the busdriver can now drive a double decker bus. Now twice the
capacity to make stops on the bus route. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
oh yeah, asian girls with english accents are sooooooooooooo awesome.
THE VERDICT: BEEF BEEF BEEF
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Beef Story #60:
Author: Reub
Another beef story?? Yup. This time I was in a First Colony Mall bathroom stall "gettin' my pee on" when this orange cone goes flying by me. As I exited I noticed a rather amused young boy washing his hands and giggling. I gave him my best hardcore stare as if to say, "Man, please...it's gonna take a lot more than that to phase me--I'm from Westbury...punk." But all he did was laugh at me.
THE VERDICT: AT LEAST A LITTLE KID DIDN'T SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE WITH A SUPER
SOAKER AT THE POOL PARTY
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Beef Story #59:
Author: Reub the Boob
It's been a while since I've written a beef story for myself, but this is
definitely beef-worthy...
So last summer I used to work at Smoothie King, and it was the best job in the
world. But when I called my boss so I could work at Smoothie King before I
leave for japan this summer, he tells me "We have too many workers."
And it turns out some guy who we shall call "Jerri" took over my spot
while I was gone and works like 80 hours a week or something since it seems
like he's always there. This is worse than the time TGWTU came and threw up on
everything...
THE VERDICT: THATSA SUCKS!!
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Beef Story #58:
Author: Lenny
right... so it looks like i'm one out of three guys on this trip to england out of 30 people. man, there's a lack of testosterone on this trip... pretty beefy. too bad kong wasn't here.... he woulda had a field day working his magic.
THE VERDICT: YOUR SHADINESS DISAPPOINTS ME
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Beef Story #57:
Author: Lenny
I have a beef with Sammy's cuz they don't do anything over there anymore. I
remember way back in the day when I was pretty excited to go there for a meal,
and a good meal was there waiting to be eaten.... for a price. Now, they can
rip you off without even doing anything because just about everything is
pre-made over there. It's almost as if they want you to ask them to make
something just so they can tell you, "get it yourself" or "we
don't have it. this is all we serve." Some vast conspiracy... Right now, I
can't even enjoy a decent lunch at the RMC anymore because the bastards only
serve grilled stuff, which isn't very good in the first place, and baked
potatoes. I have never seen a lazier cafeteria. I swear, a cafeteria run by
qudraplegics is able to make better or more food available than this lot.
They'll probably charge you less, too. shoot...
Oh yeah, beef with the new cop that looks like a little boy. She goes well out
of her way to write tickets in the stadium. If that isn't beefy, then what is?
good luck on finals ya'll.
THE VERDICT: mmmmMMMMMMMmmmMMMMmmm!!
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Beef Story #56:
Author: Gilbert Wang
So I went home over spring recess and instead of writing four papers and
doing some comp project (which is also beefy, but that's another point), I did
other people's taxes cause my dad is an accountant. Anyway I was just reminded
of how the federal government owed me four cents from when they jacked it from
my comp 100 labby job. So one day i turn in four time sheets at once, and got
$290 on my paycheck. Except they withheld four cents for the federal income
tax. I dunno, supposedly they take off four cents for every $290 you make or
something, but that was the last time i turned in four time sheets in at once.
Oh and I also got beef with my sixth grade homeroom teacher for letting me skip
english to go to the junior high school and take algebra. So now I'm
illetierate and i have a bunch of papers to write, but which i can't because i
never learned how to outline a paper.
THE VERDICT: AWWWW NOoOooooo
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Beef Story #55:
Author: Krause
Man! Talk about beef! I think Voice Stream is Powered By Beef! They have been sending me wrong bills for 7 months. They range fro $200 to $700. And they are ALWAYS their fault! So I call and call, and after 4-5 calls per bill, they admit defeat! Cause they try to set up me the bomb! But wooooo mama! I move EVERY zig, know what I'm saying. So they what do they do?! They said "You have not paid your incorrect bill for a month, your phone is being shut off, and I'm like "WHAT YOU SAY!" and they are like "blah blah I have no brain. So FINALLY they "say" they turn it back on, but a week later its still off, and when I call they say it was on for a week, but I had to re-program my phone to find the voice stream network, TOO BAD THEY NEVER MENTIONED THAT. So I get to pay for a week I didn't use, and the whole time, they have my $200 initial deposit!!!!! And won't give it back cause they say my payment was late, even after they admit they stupid?! Mr. T don't play with foolZ!
THE VERDICT: SHOOT, MAN, SHOOT!!
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Beef Story #54:
Author: Lenny
Alright, I have a beef with the Humana insurance company. Apparently, they
didn't receive my proof of enrollment before december 2000. Thus they
discontinued my coverage. So all this timeI apparently have been walking around
uninsured.
that would've been really beefy if I was on my way to get another proof of
enrollment and got hit by the inner loop bus. ironic and beefy
THE VERDICT: (INSERT RANDOM ZEROWING QUOTE HERE)
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Beef Story #53:
Author: Lenny
Yeah, so we went on the ski trip and it was mad fun, right? Except for the
ethnic wars and for the part where the green trail abruptly and stupendously
turned into a double black with moguls. Pretty beefy...
All in all a good trip. The crew should go next time with wifebeaters only...
THE VERDICT: WHAT YOU SAY!!
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Beef Story #52:
Author: Lenny
Reubs and I have a beef with Rice faculty. It would appear that they think
it's good idea to pile everything on in three days (not even the entire
week!!!!)
THEY REALLY SET US UP THE BOMB THIS TIME.
WE WILL NOT SURVIVE MAKE OUR TIME
THE VERDICT: MOVE 'ME'
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Beef Story #51:
Author: Captain
We all saw this one coming...it was bound to happen, but I had to do it
anyway
In A.D. 2101. War was beginning. Somebody set up us the bomb. We got signal.
Main screen turned on. It was Cats!! All our base are belong to them. We were
on the way to destruction. What he say!! We had no chance to survive made our
time. We took off every 'zig'. They knew what they doing. Moved 'zig'. For
great justice... pretty beefy.
THE VERDICT: CATS LOVE CRABBING.
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Beef Story #50:
Author: Joyce Leepee
i think it's pretty beefy that i submitted a beef story in the beginning of
january about how i bought a can of libby's "sliced peaches" but upon
opening the can, found libby's "fruit cocktail" inside, and it still
hasn't been posted! something beefy is going on...
THE VERDICT: Oops...
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Beef Story #49:
Author: Joyce Leepee
ARGH! this was beefy to me... - man, that was a stupid thing to say, since
I'm writing on none other than the Beef Files... oh well - anyways...
I went to Kroger on Thursday so I could go grocery shopping and buy whatever I
liked to eat. Among the things I like to eat are Waffle Crisp cereal, milk,
Sara Lee Honey Ham, Kraft american cheese, Lipton's noodles, green grapes,
bananas, Del Monte canned Corn, Rice Krispies Treats, carrots, Keebler's Club
Crackers, and lettuce. Oh yeah, and the subject of this beef story - Libby's
canned peaches. So like, I got a big can off the shelf cause I knew I would be
eating a lot and would not be content with one of those little measly can sizes
- so I bought it and took it home. I think it cost like $1.39 - which is the
cheapest can of canned peaches in heavy syrup that I saw on the shelf - that's
why I buy the Libby's brand. Anyways, yesterday, Saturday afternoon when I got
home, I was looking forward to opening that can and eating my peaches. So I got
home, got the can opener, and opened the can.
GRRRR!!!!!
Lo ANnnnD BEHOLD!!!... there were NO Canned Peach HAlves in HEAVY Syrup!! NO
THERE WERE NOT! I saw some grey-greenish colored grapes, one cherry thing,
DICED peaches, and DICED something or other - i think those are pears... so
like, I was mad! Pinmankin can testify. "What is this?!!?" I
exclaimed in a loud voice. "Nooo!!!" I struggled to keep myself under
control...
well, i was too lazy to go to kroger's and demand a refund or free can of
peaches, and like, yeah - i wanted to see if other people would buy those
peaches and suffer the same traumatic surprise as me and write about it on the
beeffiles... so i decided not to inform them that this certain shipment of
canned peach halves was really "fruit cocktail" Bah! I hate fruit
cocktail!
okay - that's all the beef for today.
THE VERDICT: MAY THE BEEF BE WITH YOU...
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Beef Story #48:
Author: Joyce Leepee
i hate when bathrooms have no toilet paper in them. I just went to the
downstairs bathroom, sat down, peed and pooed and had my way, but as i turned
to the toilet paper holder attached to the wall, i was quite dismayed to see
only the the last 2 pieces of toilet paper still attached to the brown
cardboard roll. Like, it was a little raggedy and had random bits of strips
coming off of it since it was obviously leftover from someone's final attempt
at getting all the toilet paper in one final pull and tear. So I had to very
carefully think about how i wanted to utilize those last two pieces. Let's just
say I made the most of what I had, but I was not very happy, and I did not
leave that toilet feeling very clean at all. grrr... Whoever left the cardboard
roll with just 2 pieces left will be punished, Catherine Lee!!!!!
PS--I did not replace the toilet paper roll with a fresh new happy white
cylinder, so the next person who comes home is going to have beef with me!
hehe!! UH! I MEAN ALISA LEE!
THE VERDICT: OH MY GOODNESS...
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Beef Story #47:
Author: anonyleepee
there's this choochoo who is in two of my classes who always starts walking
towards my desk whenever we have a quiz or test that day in that class. I'm not
sure why he does this - because i'm' always trying to study when I see him out
of the corner of my eye, eyeing my desk, and then he stands for a second, and
then begins to move...closer and closer....
And the other kinda disturbing thing is that I sit in the very last seat in my
row, which always happens to be on the very left side of the room, against a
chalkboard or an AC unit, so there's a bout a foot of space that he always
squeezes into, and crouches there with his nose an inch away from my desk.
and then he says "joyce."
and i say... (nod)
and then i'm trying to study, but he either says one of the following...
"i know i annoy you, but you're just so much fun to be around" or
"sometimes, when someone focuses too much on one thing, something else
gets jealous" or "there's nothing in your hair so stop touching it.
you look fine." To which I respond "(nod, tight-lipped smile)"
And then when i'm in the hallways, he'll be right behind me, and i won't know
it, but then i hear someone say "joyce joyce joyce" in kind of a
singsong, "you're being a naughty girl" kind of voice, and i'm like
PeeeeeeeGOooooooooooo!!!
And the weirdest thing is that he'll only try to talk to me and one of my
friends, and that's it. He says it's because we're the two most wonderful
people in our calculus class. PeeeeeeeGooooooooooo TOhhhhhhhh!!!
THE VERDICT: WHOA, CATHERINE HAS A SISTER??.....
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Beef Story #46:
Author: another totally different random anonymous person
One day, I was sitting in Spanish class, playing tetris on gameboy, on my
way to setting a personal best of 187 lines, when I see a certain choochoo
getting up from his desk, making his way over to the 12 inch space that
separates my desk from the wall. He crouches and hovers over the ground, making
eye contact with my waist. Then he looks up, and then down. Then he says,
"You know, sometimes when someone focuses too much on one thing, another
thing gets jealous." And I kept on playing tetris, but I was like,
Then Choochoo looked at me and replied, "well, i guess i'm saying that I
wish i could talk to you more, but you're always playing tetris." So I
play for like five more minutes, but I feel bad because he's still in that tiny
space next to my desk, so i press "start" and pause the game, and
look down at him. And then he says that he'll be coming to my church that
weekend, and he asks if there will be korean food. So i say, i'm not sure
because the moms decide what we'll be eating, but it might be korean food. And
we talk about food for a little bit. And then he says, "Well, I got 3
minutes of your time today, and I'm not totally happy, but i'm almost happy.
Maybe I'll get 5 from you tomorrow." And I nod and have a tight-lipped
smile - because inside, i'm thinking that i'm confused and he gives me an
uncomfortable feeling and why does he like talking to me when i don't really
even respond....
one friend suggested that he liked the "challenge." Pretty gross,
chung..
THE VERDICT: THAT'S A LOT OF BEEF
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Beef Story #45:
Author: Joyce
i have beef with my right ear, because it hurts. when i try to pick it.
Cause like you know how sometimes your hair will poke inside your ear, and it
feels like you have some earwax coming out - so i would rather have it come out
on my finger than come out and land on someone next to me in class, but when i
discreetly and gingerly put my finger to my ear, it hurts! I guess my index
finger is too big.
THE VERDICT: MY DOCTOR ALWAYS TOLD ME NOT TO STICK MY FINGER IN THE HOLES IN
MY HEAD
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Beef Story #44:
Author: Reuben
I've got beef with my contact lenses and possibly my eye doctor because I
keep dropping the contacts down the drain and the doctor keeps giving me the
wrong prescription.
THE VERDICT: WHEN YOU HARNESS THE POWER OF THE DARKSIDE, YOU DON'T NEED NO
STINKIN' CONTACT LENSES.
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Beef Story #43:
Author: Eric (again)
So I've got some beef...with my phone. Yesterday I was in the library at
night and I saw all these aZn ThUgZ chillin at the tables and stuff...so I was
like, gotta impress 'em! I whipped out my cool asian fixed-up cell phone
(complete with dysfunctional light-up antenna) and proceeded to call my
voicemail...then...
EEEAAAAH EEEEAAAH. The call failed and made that horrible noise...
I was like...it's all good, I'll just act really mad like a tRu tHuG would...so
I was all muttering under my breath, acting all tough...then I redailed...
EEEAAAAH EEEEAAAH!! Arrrgh!
I ran away. Shameful.
THE VERDICT: MAN, PLEEEEAAAAAZZZEE.
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Beef Story #42:
Author: Lenny (again)
I have a beef with the drivers on Main to and from Sugar Land.
Can anyone tell me why they always have to:
1)drive slow on both lanes at the same pace as the car next to them.
2)not use turn signals while driving really slow
3)biggest beef: automatically going to the open lane even though they're not
going any faster than the car in front of it. I mean, the open lane is for
those who have some place to go... (me) and I'd like to use it rather than have
it laugh at me while i'm stuck behind some fat black guy who speeds up just
enough to not let me in the open lane and decides to slow down as soon as he's
pssed me. that's sooooooooo retarded...
I think i'm going to get one of those snow plow blades and put it on the x5.
man... that'll give me more open space than a high school parking lot on a
weekend.
lenny
p.s.--oh yeah, i have a beef with Dr. Tour also... spiritually i have no beef
with him. In orgo, that's different. Stampede of beef on him for being
determined to fail 5% of the class.
THE VERDICT: WHAT'S THIS PAGE ABOUT AGAIN?
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Beef Story #41:
Author: Evelyn Joy Patterson
I don't know whose name that is, but it popped up in the text box when I
typed the letter "E." Anyway, I just wanna say I've got some beef. So
these girls call me up and ask me to eat dinner with them at a certain
establishment we'll call "Apu's." I was like, well...I wanna lose
some weight to look more like Reubs, so I'll pass. Then my friend told me to go
to my car, so I was like, since I'm here, I'll go ahead and call the girls and
tell them I'll go. Guess what? They "mysteriously" stop picking up
their CELL PHONE...presumably because they're having too much fun at
"Apu's" to care about Eric's feelings. Oh well.
THE VERDICT: yO dAwG, tHaT bE BeEFy
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