Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and we are tracing the call. If you are schizophrenic, a little voice will eventually tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, don't bother pressing a number. No one will answer.