Let's Play FIZZBALL! It's the wacky new game that's filling hospital concussion and laceration wards across the nation! And it's so easy to play! Equipment: Get yourself a few cases of that cheap, nasty beer that's usually found stacked and on sale near the checkout counter right before national drinking holidays. You'll need an axe or mattock handle or some kind of primitive looking branch. Think Atomic War Club size! Yeah! The Pitcher: Ready to play? Shake the can vigorously until the little ball starts rattling. (Oops, wrong game.) Use your own judgement. Get about 15 feet from the batter to pitch. A real easy underhand pitch is used. You're not trying to strike the guy out. You want to see the can blow up, right? Right! The Batter: Swing like a mad ape. The object is to hack through the soft middle and split the can wide open! Yahooo! Some fun, eh? The Fielders: What are you going to do, catch a shredded metal can? What are you, stupid? Reference Section: Various FIZZBALL Phenomena--Create your own! The Pinwheel: This is a great FIZZBALL effect! The can is smacked open and rotates in the air forever, drenching everything in a 25-foot radius with beautiful ribbons of foam! The War of the Worlds: Picture the top of the batted can, snapped free, spinning and gaining altitude like a hovering alien craft! Wow! The Cannonball: This one is often frustrating. The swelling can is bashed over the fence, unruptured and out of reach. But you might want to keep an eye on the kids next door when they try to open it. Hee Hee. The Time Bomb: A tiny rupture starts a fine spray-leak as the spinning can skitters across the ground. Quick! Get it back in play before it's a dud! Points: No points are scored: Fizzball is non-competitive and promotes cooperative behavior: Everyone gets to see beer cans bust open! Everyone pitches in to carry line drive victims to the hospital! Everyone plays toward a common goal -- The mutual aesthetic appreciation of raining foam and shimmering aluminum shrapnel! And don't forget the fun of making a big stinking mess! Official Fizzball Uniforms: Yellow vinyl rain slickers and rain hats! Have fun and be sure to wear protective headgear (but only if you're some kind of stinkin' pansy) and maybe next time we'll tell you about 8-Track tape skeet shoot.