>      Let's face it--English is a crazy language.  There is no egg in
>      eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in
>      pineapple...
>
>      English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in
>      France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't
>      sweet, are meat.
>
>      We take English for granted.  But if we explore its paradoxes, we
>      find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and
>      a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
>
>      And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers
>      don't groce, and hammers don't ham?  If the plural of tooth is
>      teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?  One goose, 2 geese.
>      So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices?  Is cheese the
>      plural of choose?
>
>      If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?  If a
>      vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
>
>      In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a
>      recital?
>      Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?  Have noses that run and
>      feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
>
>      How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise
>      man
>      and a wise guy are opposites?  How can the weather be hot as hell
>      one day and cold as hell another?
>
>      When a house burns up, it burns down.  You fill in a form by
>      filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
>
>      When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
>      out, they are invisible.  And why, when I wind up my watch, I
>      start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?
>
>      Now i know why i flunked my english. it's not my fault but the
>      silly language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going.
>