Whether you've an experienced upperclassman or a n00b freshman, you've probably faced an embarassing moment where you've had to take a dump and were forced to either hold it for lack of facilities or just settled for a "second-rate" bathroom. Well, through the wonders of the computer age (wonders, or blunders?) you can hear about Rice's prime dumping spots (PDS) straight from world renown experts (Sean Kim and Eric Lindsay) and make #2 work for you.
Autrey is not known to be the cleanest or nicest smelling place in the world and the amount of extremely old naked men is way too high. However, the already inherent rank odor can be used to your benefit, as it masks the smell of anything else you can possibly conceive or imagine. There is frequent traffic within the bathroom so you may not get the privacy you desire. There's nothing more awkward and gross than a bunch of stinky jocks throwing their jocks and socks into the bathroom stalls.
If privacy is what you desire then look no further. Baker building bathrooms are even less used than Rice Career Services. The ones close to the fountain entrance are single-occupant. Yes, the baker bathrooms are certainly a sight to behold. They're spacious, clean, and secluded, which means minimum embarassment and maximum comfort. Stick with Baker Hall and you'll never have to "abort mission" again.
submitted by Eric Lindsay
The Mudd bathrooms don't score highly in my book. Of course I can only speak for the men's bathroom, but hey. First problem: runnners. Mudd is open all the time and it has decent bathrooms and water fountain access...so runners go in there all the time. I have no problem with exercise, but sometimes REALLY sweaty guys will show up and wipe their hands and arms and legs all over the door and faucet and water fountain--whew, I'm getting worked up here. Problem 2: the auto-flush monster. Especially in the bigger handicapped stall, but also to a lesser extent in the other stall, there's a severe tendancy to auto flush before your time. This happens when you lean over too much. Like, if you put a newspaper on the floor to read it while you dump...or if you're just thinking really hard and you lean over on your knees. Don't ask me why I know about this...uh...yes...anyway, so I think the sensor is set too high or something. Pretty beefy.
These bathrooms are quite exquisite. Ever since the renovations, I have personally felt the need NOT to crap all over the seat like I do usually. It's as if a supernatural force from the toilet speaks to me and says "Please do not crap all over me. My desire is to be clean. PLEASE!!! I BEG YOU!!! ARRRGH!!!!" in a soft, soothing voice. What a friend - keeping me in check and assisting in making my dump a pleasant and clean experience. Ah yes, the rayzor hall bathrooms: providing comfort and clean facilities for your crapping needs.
it's just nice and peaceful.. no one ever comes in.. it's always clean.. the experience is never rushed but almost serene and ever so relieving. And there's a shower, too. Watch out for those crazy academs though.
Although the first floor bathrooms of the RMC are more crowded than a Chick Fil-A study break, few people know of or even think about using the bathroom in the basement next to Willie's Pub. This little known treasure boasts clean facilities, abundant toilet paper, and plenty of leg room. However, don't come here while any activities are going on in the pub (especially pub night) because there's nothing worse than trashed college students trying to break into your stall. Not that that's ever happened to me before...
Ah yes, the solution to all my problems. Upon pulling into the stadium parking lot, I find
myself always holding in Explosive Diarrhea (E.D.). Perhaps it's because the commute from my house
is long, and just like everyone else throughout the globe, I need to take at least one dump
per 30 min. (My house is 30 min away). It's amazing, though, how the E.D. comes to life at the
exact same spot every time: when I'm taking a left onto Rice Blvd from Greenbriar as if it had
a mind of its own. Beginning at that point, the turtle head seems to creep out slowly, at it's
perfect rate of time. I exit my vehicle and walk briskly towards the entrance doors of
shepherd, with my butt cheeks tightly squeezed and in a state of hope yet desperation.
I enter Shepherd, take a quick left, and there it is: the golden throne. A NICE, CLEAN toilet
seat, waiting for me to perform my daily ritual. One thing i really love about the shepherd
bathrooms is that no matter how much crap i get all over the seat that morning, it's nice and
clean the next day. Some say it's the custodians who clean the toilets at shepherd daily,
mumbling curses under their breath about the person who craps all over the seat and floor on a
consistent basis, but I truly believe the toilets there are special - perhaps self-cleaning or
absorbing of my excrements, as if to care about my needs.
Ah yes, shepherds bathrooms are one of a kind. They don't just provide services, they're FAMILY. And just like convenient store: it's all about location, location, location. Thank you Shepherd Bathrooms. I salute you!
The amount of traffic through the fondren library can range from none to high, depending on the time and day you go. If you go during primetime nerd study time (nights before tests), expect long lines and delays before even reaching the bathroom. On the first floor there are two bathrooms that I know of. The one kinda close to the vending machines and the slowest elevator in the world is just NASTY, so i wouldn't recommend that one. The other one close to the computers near the back is single occupant and fairly clean. For more privacy, bathrooms on upper or lower floors generally tend to have less traffic. David Nopachai had nothing but positive remarks about one of the second floor bathrooms. But be warned, some of these bathrooms are almost as NASTY as the NASTY bathroom on the first floor. Remember, if it's it's brown, wipe it down. If it's green, it ain't clean. If it's blue, it's not poo. If it's gray, you'd better pray. If it's black, better get get back.
The nerd-to-bathroom ratio is extremely high here, yet for some unexplained reason, there's almost always a nice empty bathroom you can find. Aside from the mornings and early afternoons where classes are in session, the first floor bathroom is usually empty. What's nice about duncan bathrooms is that they're very clean and there are usually enough stalls to accomodate everyone. On the upper floors the bathrooms are smaller but still usually empty. The only real concern is a bunch of grad students coming into the bathroom all at once. Very scary. In this situation a well-timed fart will scare away even the hugest nerds.
The once-extremely-high-tech-but-now-sadly-outdated Symonds2 is home only to the extremely elite. This is because you can only enter with special card access or if someone else lets you in. However, once entrance is gained into this stronghold of computer science, you'll have access to one of the cleanest, least-frequented bathrooms on campus. According to David Nopachai the bathrooms are nice and really spacious. However, since there is only one bathroom (for each gender) if you take too long be prepared for angry stares from some nerds as you take the "walk of shame" back to your computer.
My personal favorite building for dumping is Dell Butcher, the Old Chemistry building. Ever since they renovated it, it's really nice inside, but not crowded cuz there are few classrooms. Especially on the 2nd and 3rd floors. It's all researchers up there, and they don't have to go to the bathroom. Well, maybe only occasionally. It's also got nice tables and chairs for eating in. I used to go there and eat lunch and then take a leisurely 3 hour break from my "work."
According to Stephen So, there's no sound indicating the presence of vents to air out the funk. In other words...PRETTY GROSS.
The Abercrombie first floor bathroom is kinda dank and gross. There are few stalls, and the volume of traffic through this area is low. There aren't many people at Abercrombie in the first place, so this isn't surprising. There are many scary undergraduate EE's and even scarier graduate EE's. Remember, peeing creates a path for electricity to travel from whatever you're peeing on to you, so don't pee on anything that ISN'T a toilet.