- What is beef?
What is beef? You don't know what beef is??? Now I've got beef with YOU. Hahaha, j/k =P
- No, really. What is beef?
Do I have to draw a diagram for you??? Sheesh.
- Who started beef?
I don't know for sure, but I think it was none other than Satan himself that started it. Remember when he told Eve to eat the forbidden fruit? That caused beef between God and the human race. So basically, we're screwed. How do we get rid of the beef that separates us from God? The Bible has a few things to say about it, and you can also
try looking here.
- Okay.......who started beef at Rice University?
I don't think any one person started beef. The concept of beef has always existed, except no one could figure out how to describe it. Hence, someone came up with the term "beef," but it didn't originate from Rice. However, I heard from the rumor weed that it all started with three freshmen in the fall semester of '99...and then the operator called the baby sitter and said "THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!" Ooops, wrong story.
- What are some good internet resources for beef and beef-related topics?
As far as I know, there are only a few websites in existence with the audacity to even discuss such a controversial subject. Beef is a very taboo, hush-hush kind of topic. Here are some good sites though (list compiled by Patrick Yang):
Yes, beef has its own website
Texas Beef Council
Texas Beef Producers
- Do I have any beef?
Honestly, I don't know. I cannot answer that question for you. That is something for which you must look deep inside yourself and discover on your own.
- Do I have any beef with you?
No. That is, of course, unless you're on the
- I forgot--what's beef again?
I'm not even going to answer that.
- How and where can I get some beef?
You want the beef??? You can't handle the beef.
- How do I get rid of beef?
Usually beef is erased when you have a DTB with the "beefer." What's a DTB?
It's called "Defining The Beef", and it's something everyone who's in a beefy relationship
should do. You get together with the beef and say something like: "We need to DTB" and then
you talk about your beef.
However, sometimes this only causes more beef, so proceed with caution.
- Who is Brian Anderson?
Brian Anderson is the guy who everyone has beef with. Maybe he's the guy who stole your wallet or the guy who jacked your spoiler. Almost everybody has a Brian Anderson in their life, and we'd all like to take Brian out to the shed so he could meet our good friend Mr. Shovel.
A nice thing to say would be: "This is going to hurt you a lot more than it is me...I mean, the other way around. Awww, who am I kidding??? Your screams will ricochet off of these shed walls for years." Wait, never mind. That wouldn't be nice at all. Forget I said that.
- My VCR keeps making a funny noise and always ejects my tapes.
That's not a question. Anyway, get betamax.
- I have a nasty burn and the itching won't go away.
Use butter. Lots of butter.
- My computer keeps returning error messages and printing out "I will kill you" over and over again. I'm scared.
Again, that is not a question. However, the solution to your problem is beyond the scope of this website. You should seek a trained computer technician or call someone from the CS Department here at Rice...or you could wait until I graduate and then maybe I'll be able to help you out. Until then, you might want to hide in the closet or something.
- The doctor told me my nose wouldn't bleed so much if I kept my finger out of there.
- You fight like a dairy farmer.
How appropriate. You fight like a cow.
- Did you stop wearing diapers yet?
Why, did you want to borrow one?
- You're stupid.
- You're nothing but a mean 'ol bed-wetting poopy head!!
I am rubber, you are glue...
- I once owned a dog that was smarter than you.
He must have taught you everything you know.
- Now I know what filth and stupidity really are.
I'm glad to hear you attended your family renunion.
- Every word you say to me is stupid.
I just wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me.
- I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!
I hope you've learned to stop picking your nose.
- My last battle ended with my hands covered in blood.
I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose.
- My ninety-eight year old grandmother has bigger arms than you.
Yeah, but we both have better bladder control than you do.